Five Minute Friday: Song

 

You can read about Five Minute Friday here.

 

 

 

 

Prompt for today: Song

GO:

I saw this meme on Facebook the other day.  It said something like, “Music is how feelings sound.”  And I thought, “Wouldn’t THAT be convenient?!”  What if we could all just be walking around, and if we got close enough to each other and just focused on each other for a minute, we could hear our feelings.  I imagine that in a good mood we’d hear some kind of jaunty waltz.  Or maybe something by Cee-Lo.  Either way.  In a sad mood you’d hear something melancholy– either something new agey or something by Evanescence with all their desperate songs.  And then we could respond with music.  If I came across you and I was hearing your cries in a sad song, I could play something soothing back to you.  Maybe some Enya.  Or I could play something upbeat and happy, and hopefully you’d catch the feeling, something from the 80s for sure. 

The fact is that we are all walking around with our own songs, but we can’t hear each other.  And so we interact with each other based on our own songs, but not based on each other’s songs.  And it seems like we could all get along better if we based our interactions on each other’s songs.  There would be more understanding.  Perhaps more compassion.  Maybe if we could hear each other better, we’d be able to see each other better.

STOP

Sugar and Spice vs. Puppy Dog Tails

 

This thing happened last week.

While browsing Facebook, I came across a friend’s post wherein she’d requested some advice on dealing with her 3 year old.  And bless her heart, because everyone needs advice with dealing with their 3 year old, amiright?  I was reading through the comments and came across one that floored me.  She started in on what she does with her 3 year old, and began her advice with the caveat her advice would probably not work with a boy.  I’m not sure what I was expecting next.  Maybe something that involved make up or pink dresses or something equally girly as perceived by our society.  But instead, she went on to explain how she asks her child things like, “How would you feel if…?” and tries to get her to sympathize with the person she is victimizing.  Basically, she explained how she teaches her daughter empathy and compassion.

Now, I don’t want to vilify the mother who gave this advice.  I don’t know her at all, and I’m sure she’s a perfectly wonderful person, a loving mom, and not really sexist in any way.  This is much more of a cultural problem than it is a problem with this individual person, which is why I didn’t comment on the thread on Facebook.  Well, that and I didn’t want to hijack my friend’s plea for advice by going on a gender issues tangent. 

But I have NOT been able to stop thinking about it! 

WHY exactly would this advice not work for a boy? Because little boys are not capable of empathy and compassion, maybe?

Because girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, and boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails?

Snips, for the record, are eels.

I’m especially curious to know, since it is the exact same thing I do with my boys. And it actually seems to work just fine.  Often having a good conversation with my four year old about how he is making his two year old brother feel when he says or does certain things, elicits some really good behavior for several days (until he needs another reminder… which I think is way more of a four year old thing than it is a boy thing).  Both of my boys have exhibited an innate ability to understand that they shouldn’t make others hurt or feel bad.  Since they are young, they grapple with these concepts on a long term, consistent basis.  Since they are young.  Not because they are male. 

And I can’t help but rage a little bit against the idea that they are not capable of understanding these things.  And not just because I’m their mother and I know that they are.  But because this cultural perception is causing us so. many. problems.  If it is generally accepted that boys are not capable of understanding compassion and empathy, perhaps we shouldn’t be all that surprised when two boys think they could take whatever they wanted from an unconscious girl at a party.  And we shouldn’t be surprised that so many people stood by and let that happen.  We shouldn’t be surprised by our rape culture at all really.  We shouldn’t be surprised that two brothers might think that the best way to make a political/cultural statement is to inflict a lot of damage on a lot of people.  We shouldn’t be surprised by a group of boys who are willing to gang up on, and take turns beating on, someone who is different than they are.  We shouldn’t be surprised when a young man takes some guns and enters a school with the intent to cause as much damage as possible, just because he wants to be heard.  We shouldn’t be surprised by deadbeat dads, spousal abuse, or even cutthroat, unethical businessmen who are willing to gamble with the American economy in an effort to pad their own bank accounts.  None of that should be a shock, right?  Because of the snips and snails and puppy dog tails.

Or MAYBE, that is just really messed up.  And maybe we could change all of those societal afflictions by letting go of the assumption that many have of humanity not capable of being humane.  Because in reality, boys are just as capable of compassion and empathy as girls are.  And if we teach that to them, and foster that within them—just the same as we do with girls—we could raise our boys to understand that the way they treat other people matters.  And maybe if we raise them with the understanding that their words and actions affect others, and that other people’s feelings are just as important as their own, then we will have more boys who will say, “That girl seems to have passed out, we should make sure she is okay and get her home safely.” instead of, you know, the other. 

That is all.

Simple Woman

Find it HERE.

FOR TODAY… May 13, 2013

Outside my window... Lots of sunshine today, but chilly. 

I am thinking... about how when I try to sit with the Things they aren’t content unless they are climbing on me.  I try to remind them there little brother is in my belly and that they need to be gentle.  They don’t remember.

I am thankful... to be in my 3rd trimester.  It is still going to be a long summer, but I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the kitchen... I’m trying to ignore the white bean blondies my husband made yesterday.  I keep telling myself that eating the whole pan would just make me sick anyway.

I am wearing... a maternity dress.  It’s a light turquoise.  The one I talked about here.

I am creating… a person.

I am going... somewhere tomorrow.  Not sure where.  It is Husband’s birthday and he has yet to decide where to celebrate.  But, I’ve been resting all week-end and will continue to do so today, so that I have enough spoons to do something fun with the family.

I am wondering...  how hot it will get this summer.  Some people say that the summer is hotter after a long, cold winter.  Other people say that a summer will be more mild after a long, cold winter.  I don’t know who is right.  I’d prefer the later, of course.

I am reading... Cooked by Michael Pollan.  Super interesting so far.

I am hoping... to get some laundry folded today.  It doesn’t take much effort, I just need to tackle it.

I am looking forward to... tomorrow!  Husband’s birthday!

I am learning… this morning Thing 1 “taught” me all about recycling and how to recognize if something is recyclable.  Does that count?

Around the house... ants.  We’re having an issue with ants.

I am pondering... what kind of baby carrier to get.  I used an Ergo with both the other boys and loved it (although I used it less with Thing 2 because he hated being in a carrier).  But, I’m really intrigued by the new Onya carriers. Mostly because they turn into child seats on any chair.  Does the Ergo do that?  I don’t think so.

A favorite quote for today... "Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.” –B.F. Skinner

One of my favorite things... When Thing 1 uses the phrases that Husband says all the time.  Like yesterday when he was throwing rocks in the creek and after a big splash shouted, “That’s what I’m talking about!!”

A few plans for the rest of the week: Husband’s birthday tomorrow.  Hyperemesis Awareness Day is on the 15th.  Not that I’ll be doing anything special for it, but it is nice to have it recognized.  That’s about it.

We’ve decided to try homeschooling next year with the Things.  I lamented to Husband at one point that, while I feel like it is the right thing to do, I was going to miss all the cute things (pictures, crafts, etc.) Thing 1 came home with this year that said “For mom.”  Husband promised he would make sure they still made fun things for me.  He proved it yesterday morning with this super great Mother’s Day card.

Mother’s Day: Thoughts on Infertility

When husband and I first decided to have a baby, I just assumed I’d have as much control over it as I had over NOT having a baby.  Birth control is a misleading name for contraception.  There is actually very little control you have over the timing on when you will give birth.

The first year was the hardest.  And not just because that year included the first miscarriage.  But because I was still so full of hope.  Every. Month.  In the following years, I was still full of hope, but it was a more reasonable hope.  A tempered hope that helped me hold on to my sanity on the days when my period started.

But Mother’s Day was never easy.  The rest of the time I managed to dull the ache and only exert my energy over the tears when I had the energy to spare.  But then this day to honor mothers would roll around and it was just a reminder of all of my longing and pain and tears and on Mother’s Day there was no dull in the ache.  It is just a raw open wound.  The worst was when they would pass out flowers to mothers at church, and they’d always give them to married women who weren’t mothers.  I knew it was supposed to be a kind gesture, and it was meant to make me not feel left out.  But I was left out and there was just no getting around that.  And that flower just became a symbol of that to me.  I still don’t like getting that flower at church on Mother’s Day.

And now as Mother’s Day approaches and I’m on the other side of that infertility story, I want to reach back across that bridge to the women who are waiting at the banks for their turn to cross:

I want to hold each one of you and tell you I understand your pain (our infertility stories are all so different, but that pain is universal).  I want to help sustain your hope.  I want for you to have peace and joy in your life while you wait, wait, wait.  I want to know that I see you through the baby announcements and baby showers and pictures on facebook and blessings/christenings/namings in church and I want to commend your bravery for smiling and celebrating through the pain. 

And I want to say I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry for all of it.

Most of all this Mother’s Day I hope you’ll know that you are not forgotten.  I know that as the world turns to celebrate the mothers this week-end, it will feel like they are all turning their backs on you.  This is me, turning back around, and letting you know that I see you.

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

 

You can read about Five Minute Friday here.

 

 

 

 

Prompt for today: Comfort

GO:

Isaiah chapter 40 starts with the words “Comfort ye, comfort ye my people…”  At least it does in the King James version of the Bible.  But, I’ve also read it in other versions, like the Wycliffe Bible which reads, “My people, be ye comforted, be ye comforted…”  I don’t know enough of about original translations of the Bible to speak to which is more accurate, but I can tell you that I like the second one better.  And that is because it speaks to me.  I have a hard time in “taking” comfort.  I tend to hold on to my discomfort and roll around in it for awhile.  It is like I can’t let a wrongness go unless I’ve analyzed every ounce of its wrongness. I talked with a therapist about this once—we focused on feelings of self worth, or the idea that having something wrong gives me something  to do.  Whatever my reasons, sometimes I am reminded that this isn’t what the Lord wants for me.  He’d rather I took comfort and felt peace.  I work on this, and sometimes I’m better at it than others.  Sometimes I just need a good reminder.  I think I need to do a cross-stitch of another verse and put it up somewhere that I can see it every day (KJV, for the record):

John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

STOP

Five Minute Friday: Brave

  
  
You can read about Five Minute Friday here. 
  
  




  

Prompt for today: Brave

GO:

At the park with the Things one day, and Thing 1 found himself at the top of one of the tallest slides there.  My (at the time) three year old had followed some of the bigger kids up there, in his eagerness to be involved and to play with them.  I watched him excitedly bounce around and wait in line for his turn to go.  And then when it was his turn, and he looked down that daunting slide, he backed away and let other kids go before him.  He repeated this process over and over again, not finding the courage to go down this huge slide.

It was kind of heart breaking.  

Mostly because I know he so badly wanted to play with those kids, and he was only barely involved, because he wasn't taking his turn.  They were all just passing him by.

But also heartbreaking because I wanted him to find the courage to go down that slide.  I knew he would love if he did it.  The real kicker is that this kid used to have no fear.  He used to plunge right into things and scare the daylights out of me.  Somewhere along the way he learned caution.

After the park cleared out a bit, I took him back to that slide, and sat at the bottom coaxing him down.  With me there as a safety net, he easily found his BRAVE.  And then he, feeling so proud of himself, went down that slide about 15 more times (unassisted - I stepped away after the first time) before we left the park that day.

Sometimes I am the same way.  Sometimes I have to wait until the dust settles until I can find my BRAVE, when I can seek for it in the quieter moments.  It is always there.

STOP

Simple Woman

Find it HERE.

FOR TODAY… April 28, 2013

Outside my window... It is 50s and rainy.  I feel like this is appropriate April weather.  The rest of the week is looking to be upper 60s/low 70s.  I'm not hating it.

I am thinking... about what adding a third child to our family is going to be like.  I'm expecting mostly chaos.  I already feel pretty tired about it.

I am thankful... for all of the green outside my window.  

In the kitchen... Husband is making some ice cream.  I'm looking forward to that, and am hoping I don't get sick following it.

I am wearing... jammies and a big fluffy robe.

I am creating… a person.

I am going... nowhere for a couple of days.  Yesterday was a doozy (Thing 1 and the ER) and I need a break.

I am wondering...  when the fever that is kicking Thing 1's trash is going to be gone.  We took him in yesterday because it'd been 5 days of battling a 103+ fever and he started complaining of stomach pains.  They ruled out anything fierce; it is just a virus.  A lingering one though.

I am reading... The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett.  Still.  It isn't a long book and I should be done with it by now.  Thing 1's condition this week has taken some extra attention, though.

I am hoping... the people I sent my laptop too will fix it quickly and send it back pronto.  Husband and I are sharing his laptop and neither of us love it.

I am looking forward to... my favorite farmer's market opening back up next week-end!

I am learning… well, yesterday after a bit of googling I learned that fever, nausea, and lower right abdominal pain can indicate kidney infection, gall bladder issues, or (via referred pain) appendicitis.  None of which Thing 1 has.

Around the house... we just can't keep up.  I can do very little and husband just has too much to do.  I'm looking forward to getting things back in order after this pregnancy.

I am pondering... the temporariness of my condition.  I really feel for people who deal with chronic illnesses with no foreseeable point of relief.  

A favorite quote for today... "There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right in America. " - Bill Clinton

One of my favorite things... I think I've listed this as a favorite thing before, but it is when Thing 2 picks something up and proudly exclaims, "I found it!" and you had no idea he was looking for anything.  I suspect he didn't know he was looking for anything either.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Nothing special.  Hopefully Thing 1 will recover soon and the boys can do some fun things with Husband, since he'll be enjoying being a professor over the summer.

A peek into my day:

Thing 1
There is not a lot he loved about being in the ER,
but he was a trooper.